All We Know of Love Teacher Guide

Discussion Questions for all we know of Love

Natalie’s Mother

Natalie presents telling details about how her mother reacts to things and what kinds of things are important to her: “She was always telling me not to flush the toilet every time. There was no need to waste water and electricity.” (page 11)

What are some other instances where we learn telling details about Natalie’s mother? Describe Natalie’s mother.

Why does Natalie think she is responsible for her mother leaving? What do chocolate cookies and an old shoe box have to do with Natalie’s guilt?

Why does the fact that Natalie’s mom throws out the bag of cookies scare Natalie? Describe how the author presents this action.

Natalie talks about the times her mother practiced leaving. On pages 70-73, a young Natalie is being difficult in the grocery store and her mother hides from her.  Is Natalie’s mother’s behavior abusive? What are some of the other times that Natalie’s mother practiced leaving? Is she a sympathetic character? What might she have done differently?

Is Natalie responsible for her mother leaving? Does she forgive her mother? Her mother missed some of Natalie’s most important developmental years. What kind of an impact has her mother’s absence had on Natalie?

We learn late in the novel that Natalie’s mother’s name is Dana. Why do you think for much of the novel we don’t know her in any way except as Natalie’s mother?

How does Natalie’s mother react when the younger Natalie shows her the picture she has drawn?  What impact does she have on her daughter in this scene? (Reread page 142.)

Is Natalie’s mother mentally ill?

Why does Nora Baskin include the detail of Natalie’s mother always having a tissue? (Reread pages 168-169.)

How has Natalie’s mother changed at the end of the novel? Why does she say she left? Was her leaving justified? Could you ever leave your child? What was it that she was going to tell Natalie about love before she left?

What kinds of things does Natalie’s mother send to her? How is the last package different from the rest?

Near the end of the novel, Natalie’s mother’s penchant for eliminating waste causes her to take an action that allows Natalie to find her.  Do you think she wanted Natalie to know where she was? Discuss. What took her so long if that action was deliberate?

Natalie’s Father

Is Natalie’s father likable? Could he have done anything to make Natalie’s mother’s life better?

Describe Natalie’s relationship with her dad. What is his first name? How does he feel about the fact that his wife left him? Is he a sympathetic character?

How does Natalie’s relationship with her father change?

Sarah

Sarah is Natalie’s best friend. How does their friendship change in the novel? How does she handle Natalie’s betrayal? Have you ever neglected a close friend for a romantic relationship? (Reread pages 109-112 as part of this discussion.)

Sarah and Natalie create a list of “written requirements for our true love.” What kinds of things do they include? If you were to write such a list what would it look like?

Who is a better student—Natalie or Sarah? Describe Sarah.

Natalie and Sarah are very intelligent. Is it realistic that they would have such romanticized notions about relationships? Is it believable that someone as smart as Natalie would make such bad decisions about her relationship with Adam?

How does Sarah react when she learns that Natalie has gone to find her mother in Florida?

Adam

How does Natalie’s decision to stop wearing a seatbelt mirror her sexual behavior with Adam? Why do you think she takes such risks?  Natalie says, “I turned over my free will to Adam Fishman, and it made me feel like a precious, fragile china doll.”  What are some of the ways that she loses her identity in this relationship? Why does she act the way she does?

How many of the written requirements on Natalie and Sarah’s true love list does Adam meet?  What kinds of things does Adam do that keep Natalie involved with him?

What is different about Charlene calling Natalie “baby” and the way Adam calls her “baby”?  (Reread pages 20-23 and page 85.)

Describe Adam Fishman. What is important to him?

How does Adam manipulate Natalie? She knows that she is being manipulated by him but she can’t seem to help herself. How can she be so self-aware but still  have such a difficult time letting go of their relationship?  What are some of the things that Adam does to Natalie that keep her coming back? Is he a bad person?

When does Natalie realize compellingly that Adam is a fraud?  (Reread        page 138.)

What does this quote tell us about how far Natalie has come: “I am no longer narrating my own story and imagining Adam listening to me tell it.”? (Reread page 167.)

Natalie

Do you like Natalie at the beginning of the novel?

List five adjectives to describe Natalie.

How has she changed by the end of all we know of Love?

What has she learned about beauty?

What has she learned about happiness?

Natalie says: “Deserve. Perhaps if I were given the power to delete a single word from the English language this would be the one.” Why? (Reread page 180).

Do you think Natalie will have a romantic relationship with Ethan?

Themes

all we know of Love opens with the main character looking at herself in “the scratched mirror above the tiny metal sink” and she sees her blurry reflection like “looking at myself underwater.” How does seeing yourself, seeing yourself in other people, reflection, and connection work in this novel? Mirrors appear at different points in the novel. How do they work as a symbol? Is this symbol effective as a literary device?

What is life like for students in Redding Ridge High School?

Why and when do girls start to lose their identities? How do Natalie’s descriptions of her first boyfriends show that there were differences in how she feels about herself when she is with them and how she feels when she is with Adam? (Reread page 42.) To Natalie, what does it feel like to be female in the world? (Reread page 121.)

Natalie goes from feeling invisible to feeling invincible when she is with Adam at the beginning of their relationship. Do you think a lot of girls and women get involved, especially sexually, in order to feel important?

What does the expression “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free” mean? Is it true? How does this idea make you feel?

Have you ever had the experience of thinking you might be pregnant when you didn’t want to be? Have you ever had a friend who went through that experience?

Natalie thinks about the euphemism:  “He got her in trouble.” Is biology destiny? Are women, especially young women, still way too vulnerable in relationships? What are some of the downsides for “hooking up” or being “friends with benefits” for girls? For boys?

Does motherhood mean a loss of identity?

What is the difference between an embrace and a hug?

Does Natalie know she has some problems? What does she mean when she says “I am working on this.”?

What does Charlene mean when she says, “I’ve learned to enjoy the trip.”?

How is the young version of Charlene like Natalie? Are there differences?

How do Lorraine’s story and the fifteen different Eskimo words for snow reflect the stories of different kinds of love? (Reread pages 63-66.)

Claire’s sister Lily dies. How does Claire’s mother’s reaction to the loss of her daughter, Lily, contrast to what Natalie’s mother does? Are there parallels between Claire’s situation and Natalie’s? (Reread pages 95-97.)

Tevin says, “I’m cool. I don’t need nothing.” (Reread page 151.) Is it true for him? Is it true for Natalie? Is it really true for anyone?

Why does Theresa smack Tevin?  (Reread page 156.)

Natalie has high expectations for the role of mother. What kinds of things does she think mothers are responsible for? How does she view the role of fathers?

“Basically how do you know what to do unto others when nobody’s done it unto you?”  What does Natalie mean when she thinks this?  (Reread page 100.)

Natalie has a kind of psychology of lying.  What does she think about lying? Do all people lie sometimes?

Natalie and Sarah have a threatening experience with a truck driver when they are younger. Have you ever been the victim of this kind of abuse? How does Sarah’s mother react when she finds out? Why doesn’t Natalie tell her father?

What does the word fine mean to you?  (Reread page 127.)

What makes Natalie truly believe she needs to recover from love sickness? (Reread page 162.)

When Natalie checks her messages near the end of the novel, she has three new voice mails.  Who are they from? Which ones show real love? How do they show that?  How does Natalie’s cell phone serve as a symbol in the story?

Ethan appears early in the story and at the end of the story. How is he different from Adam?

What has Natalie learned about herself? Do you think she will be able to keep Adam out of her life? Do you think she will take better care of herself in the future?

What is the “so what” in this novel? Why did Nora Baskin write it? Love is one of the most important themes, but what kind of love? What does the word love mean?

What has Natalie learned about love?

A Writer’s Craft

Nora Baskin makes strong use of detail, specifically the use of threes—three examples that reveal character or feelings. Early in the novel, Natalie lists some of what her mother left— “a lopsided clay bowl, a collage, pressed wallflowers”—and then the surprising fourth: “Me, she left me behind.”    How does Nora use this element of surprise as a contrast—these smaller, seemingly pedestrian details, and then bringing in a bigger idea or action? Are there other instances in the novel where she uses this technique of list with a twist? Is it effective?

Nora Baskin uses lots of similes and metaphors throughout the novel. Find some of them and discuss what they tell us about Natalie’s intelligence and powers of observation.

Examples:

page 8: “The smoke from the exhaust blows up and across my window like a

miniature H-bomb.”

page 9:  “Her skin is the color of coffee beans before they are ground, and shiny

like that.”

page 14:  “Our voices collided and hers was swallowed up like beach sand under the tide.”

page 40: “His lips were soft, and his breath was sweet, like Jolly Ranchers.”

page 99: “Claire keeps her suitcase upright between her legs, with her feet like

bookends.”

page 117:  “In the moonlight, their white nightgowns glowed like cobwebs after a rain.”

On her journey, Natalie has chance encounters and makes connections with seemingly random strangers in the bus terminal, on the bus, at the The Dog House, and in her mother’s neighborhood. Why does Nora include these stories?

How many different stories does the author include? How do these people and their stories of love help Natalie? Why are these encounters so brief?

Is it realistic that Natalie feels such a strong connection to these strangers? What techniques does Nora use as she weaves these love stories into Natalie’s story?

Why does Nora use a quote at the beginning of each chapter? Do they enhance the story? Which one is your favorite? Why?